This is my life

The June Something prompts here!

Day 2: What show or movie would you like rebooted? Same premise and storylines, but all new actors, showrunners, writers, technology, and social awareness?

I think I always go back in time to things I loved when I was a kid and things I'd like to see in this day in age. The stuff I liked has aged pretty well, and has come back into fashion, weirdly. I watched the old animated Batman, M*A*S*H, Battle of the Planets... Actually. HMMMM. Battle of the Planets might be fun to see rebooted. There's a lot of stuff that has reminded me of it over the years, but nothing exactly the same.

The Saturday morning women's wrestling that got redone with Brie Larson was a favorite. I'm trying to think of other shows I watched as a kid that might be fun to remake now, but a lot of them have been sort of redone in spirit, if not in actuality, you know? My memory isn't super great about them either.

In college it was Star Trek TNG, and Star Trek will be eternal, so no need to redo anything there. Star Wars was a big thing when I was a kid, again, no need for anything there.

MST3K? That would be good fun, but it has sort of been done, I think? I feel like there is very little that would update into something really new and different. Of course, it's late and I'm tired, so.

Yeah, gonna stick with Battle of the Planets, probably. :)

Day 3: What question would you like to see in The June Something? (We'll steal select a couple for the last two days.)

I love questions that spark story ideas, and I love to mix and match things, so I'd probably like a meme-ish thing where you select a list of characters and prompts and like, roll dice or something to smash them together and see what happens?

Or: what is the crack-iest premise you can think of based on a random piece of characterization or look for your favorite character(s)?

I also love audience participation, so perhaps One-sentence fics where your dwircle can pick a character and prompt.

The weirdest crossover/fusion you can think of from your first and most recent fandoms?

In your own space, celebrate a personal win from the past year: it can be a list of fanworks you're especially proud of, time you spent in the community, a quality or skill you cultivated in yourself, something you generally feel went well.

This challenge is fairy open, and is based on people looking back on the last year and thinking about their personal wins.

What I want people to remember for this challenge is -- wins can be giant, small and everything in-between. Did you finally finish or publish that novel you've been working on for years? Did you get those bookshelves reorganised? Did you learn a new skill? Did you do something you were scared of? Did you post a certain number of fanworks at A03? Did you master the perfect gooey brownies? Those are all examples of wins and they all count. Just something you can look back on and think, I did that, and I'm proud of that.

But, we know life can be hard for us all at times, so please don't think you have to only share big, memorable wins. If you look back at last year and all you can think to say is, 'I survived' well that counts too.

Man, 100% last year was a survival year. This year will also be a survival year. Work is absolutely fucking bonkers. Despite that, I did achieve a few things. I worked my ass off for a really difficult but truly amazing concert in the fall. I recorded a 65 chapter, 100+k word fic over the period of a couple months. I did, somewhere in there, get a boatload of work done. My office (which I am only nominally supervising at the moment) has done well in my absence and is still flourishing.

I'm a little disappointed with my fanworks output last year (especially my writing), but I tell you what, I still did a hell of a lot, including and outside work, and that's pretty awesome.

So sperrywink had a really rough year and decided to do a forward-looking post instead of a backward-looking one. As my memory is garbage, I too am thinking this would be a wise decision! I'm very bad at documenting what happened in a year. It's too long, I can't remember last week much less last January! So yeah, if people want to know what's happening with me, it's gonna be through my cold reads, because if you listen to them in order, it really would be a year in review because I talk about all that shit.

But I am going to steal Sperry's idea and do a forward-looking meme too! Lucky sauerkraut is all about looking forward and pushing good thoughts into the future to bloom when you get there. Sperry went by general life area, which I think is great, though my areas are a bit different to hers.

( Home )
( Health )
( Fandom )
( Music )
( Money )
( Work goes last even though it takes up the most time )
( Okay, ACTUALLY last is this year's lucky sauerkraut spell. )

Decided I wanted a drive and some podfic today, so I loaded up Waiting for Spring written by theivinghippo and read by mulberry_graceful, and listened to loving talk about baseball and Chicago while I drove Lakeshore Drive.

Then I stopped for the best ice cream I've had in my life bar none, Oberweis. It's a really good day.

In your own space, update your fandom information!

Oh, ha! I just did this the other day. I modded for sunshine_challenge last year (and likely will again) and that was one of the things to do before the challenge went live, put up an intro post. And then a few days ago I came to my own journal and was like, oh, hi, I did that? And then I updated some info, particularly about fandoms etc. So this is a nice easy start for me, which is great because I have to do my 2021 wrap up posts which will take a lot of time and effort yet today.

Day 5: Compare and/or contrast your very first fandom obsession and your very latest fandom obsession.

I mean. When I was like…. 7? I was SUPER obsessed with Star Wars. But I was 7. So I was being obsessed all by myself. I was writing stories even then, but just for me. I never even thought of writing them down until many many years later. I think I had a few little things back in 1995-2004, random bits of various fandoms, but it was Alexander (2004) that turned me into a fanfic writer for real.

So now it's MDZS, and it's tough to really compare these because I wasn't part of fandom when I was a Star Wars fan. I didn't have any clue what fandom was for many years after that. So just the experience of being in fandom now, of knowing these are my people, is the best part about ANY fandom I'm in. I really, truly don't think you could've convinced me that I'd end up in Chinese drama fandom, like, literally up until it happened. Though all it took was a few posts of Lan Wangji's flowing hair on my dash, lol.

Other differences – I wrote self-insert back then (who didn't?) and don't now, except when I add myself as a side character (most often a friendly auntie or something) because I like to take care of my babies, even in fiction. But I wouldn't write a character x reader fic, or blatant self-insert fic now. Mainly because it's less about me escaping to the places I long to be and more about simply exploring the worlds and the characters.

Yeah, those are the biggest differences. Other than age, practice, and experience, lol, which make a huge difference in fandom enjoyment and the way I create for fandom. My obsession itself still feels very much the same, the depth of emotion and attachment. I just have a shared lexicon for it now, which is amazing.

Day 1: What's changed about your fandom life in the last 365 days?

Hmmm. Well. Not a new fandom, so that's not a surprise for me. I tend to be in fandoms for a long time, and I have high hopes I'm in this one long enough to finish the two massive stories I have planned.

I've been podficcing a lot more, and because of that, trying to learn some Chinese, so that's one thing. The other is the whole cold read thing. I am LOVING IT and I think people in general are responding to it really well, which is really exciting. I used to do cold reads just for a few people because they wanted stuff (and I still will do that if an author doesn't have a blanket permission statement), but now I can… actually post them? So that's been HUGE.

I've got a couple of new fandom buddies in the last year, which is an absolute delight because there is nothing like having that sort of enthusiasm in your life, when you share fandoms with people. Also I generally just really love people, so it's always awesome for me to get to know new ones.

I've reluctantly moved a lot of my actual people-based fandom interaction to Discord, which is far from my favorite platform, annoyingly. I generally still have a lot of my interaction with people I really like elsewhere, but so many fannish activities are on Discord that it's tough not to be there.

Work is stressful and getting worse, so I am also getting pickier and pickier about how I spend my time and fannish capital. But I keep hearing rumblings about (and have participated in) really bad fests. Poorly organized, exclusionary, generally kind of assholey. It annoys me. A big bang in my fandom basically forbade podfic outright – DESPITE BEING OPEN TO LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE, AND STEALING A LOT OF THE LANGUAGE ABOUT THEIR INCLUSIONARY RULES FROM ANTE UP LOSERS (seriously – they used my macaroni castle line, like, do not tell me that you didn't yoink that from Ante Up). I was SO ANGRY. Like, how DARE you steal something so dear to me AND THEN EXCLUDE ONE OF MY FAVORITE FANNISH ACTIVITIES. Fucking RUDE. I'm STILL mad about it, and I don't have a lot of clout in this fandom, but I'm stewing about it, and we'll see if I don't try to do something better. Every big bang I can find now is just fic and art, and just. SIGH. It's so tired. Do something better.

Brag about yourself. Tell us what things you've done that you're proud of; the things that make you the wonderful person you are.

Oh it's this one. This is the toughest one of all snowflake, I think. In general we're taught (everyone, I think, but women in particular) that we shouldn't think too much of ourselves, or speak too much of ourselves, and that braggarts are unseemly. And we all know those people who seem to think very highly of themselves and constantly talk about the great things they do, etc. and I think most of us find it really distasteful.

To be honest, I think all of us are better than we allow ourselves to say. Truly. I think one of the reasons imposter syndrome is so prevalent and a general feeling of worthlessness seems to plague people these days is because we're not allowed to feel proud of what we do, no matter what the size of the accomplishment. If someone thanks us, we're supposed to self-deprecate or divert attention. It took me YEARS to develop the skill of saying "Thank you" to a compliment and not add something that was self-deprecating afterward.

It's a little weird, though, talking about this because I am very confident in my work skills. I don't brag about them, but my confidence in them is very high. I recently became the director of my office, and my boss argued for my salary to be higher than the guy who just left after having been director for 8 years. And my wife said, "You deserve it," and I answered, "Yeah, I do." Which is just plain truth, the experience I bring is broader than his was and the only thing he had was 8 years of historical knowledge, and the more I dig into things as we get audited, the more I realize it wasn't that great an 8 years. But I am confident that I am worth it, because my specific skillset, my work ethic, and my interpersonal and managerial skills are all really excellent. So I have no qualms about speaking confidently about anything in my work life.

I have other things I am confident in, too. My knowledge of music and musical ability. My adulting skills in general. My generosity. My kindness to others. These are all things I don't mind talking about because I have spend years honing them and practicing them, and it's not bragging if you're just stating that you're good at something because you've spent a long time doing it.

I even have a little bit of this about my writing, because I'm no longer a beginner and I've got 16 years under my belt. I've had ups and downs and figured out what works for me, dropped the ball because stress, and picked it up to relearn it again. But writing is something that always could use improvement, and there's a lot of other things that go into it, so I'm not really one to brag openly about it. Also - I just. I'm in a few different discords and the tenor of the conversation is... uncomfortable for me. I'm not in it to brag anyway, I'm in it to talk, and maybe support newer/younger writers. (Or podficcers - I'm in at least one podfic discord too.) If I am really proud of something, I usually just preen to a few good friends of mine who are delightfully supportive, and that's good enough.

I do actually think I'm a pretty great beta, especially for young/new writers. Unfortunately I don't have the time to do this like I used to. It takes a lot of effort and encouragement and the older I get, the bigger my responsibilities get and my time just keeps narrowing and narrowing all while my interests keep broadening and broadening. It's a frustrating situation.

So anyway - I guess I did brag about myself a bit! But what I really was planning to say is that I have had time to develop some really weird knowledge and skills in my life, and if you ever need someone to soundboard or edit for any of the following stuff, hit me up:

Emergency Room: this is a bit out of date these days, but I could help with basic info about hospitals, tests, language etc.
Swimming: competitive right up to just under Olympic level.
Dancing: non-professional level. I have a lot of interest in it and watch a lot of it, and had ballet lessons until I was in college.
Music: particularly Western orchestral music, music theory, and conservatory training in the U.S.
Managing Staff, including Performance Management/Personnel Development: Do you have someone that's supposed to be a great manager in your fic? There's more to it than not being a dick when they need personal time (though that is a HUGE THING and you would be surprised how many managers don't do it (or maybe you wouldn't be surprised, just disappointed)). But a good manager is looking out for your staff, now and in the future, and there's a lot that goes into this. It takes a lot of kindness, and a willingness to be strong for your employees, because they don't have a lot of pull and you do. Also a willingness to let go - which is a skill extremely few managers have. Not every person will be able to fulfill their career dreams in your office, and if you give them everything you can, you may need to push them out the door so they can take their next step.
Contracting: I hate that I'm good at this, but I know how to read and negotiate contracts and tips and tricks on how to get people to agree to certain clauses.
Research Administration: not the actual science part, but the regulations and paperwork surrounding research (it's a huge timesuck and massive pain in the ass for researchers (that's not to say it's unwarranted - it's to protect research subjects, whether human or animal, staff working in the labs, and to ensure stewardship of research funds)).

I'm sure there are other things, but I've only just woken up and already have a headache. Time to drink more water!

ETA: And you know, it's funny (again) because I realize I just bragged about my skills which I have spent a lifetime learning and have no qualms about believing in myself, receiving compliments or acknowledgements, or whatever. The things that make me squirm (which is what I wanted to get at with this post) but that also make me super happy when someone recognizes them are: my mentorship/teaching abilities and supportiveness of people who are learning new skills and young adults in general, my kindness and generosity, my ability to enthuse about and support my friends and their projects, my incisiveness (about work mostly, but occasionally about an argument going around on the internet), and my willingness to learn. I was once complimented on my ability to apologize, and that's another skill I've learned over the years and am very proud of, but the ability behind it, to accept that I've made a mistake, look at the situation and how to make amends if possible, or an apology and promise to do better if not - that skill is one that constantly takes honing. Defensiveness, particularly in areas where you have privilege, is usually a clue that you have something to learn, and it is very uncomfortable. Learning to live with the discomfort while you poke at it and to apologize to those you've hurt is a skill that I recommend everyone learn. I'm still working on mine, which is why it makes me squirm when someone compliments it. But I'm very proud of it, I try very hard at it.

In your own space, introduce yourself!

Oh lol. Well, it's 3am and I just quick recorded, edited, and posted a podfic, so I am gonna shorthand this something fierce. here's my 'about me' tag. The highlights:

I'm married. My wife is a gamer by trade and not really in these kinds of online spaces anymore. Sometimes I miss that.

I'm a fan. Currently my obsession is The Untamed/MDZS (all versions) and RPF related to that. Yes I'm sort of nominally trying to learn some Mandarin in my copious free time. Shut up.

I'm a writer. Fanfiction, mostly, though I have ideas for original fic and will probably write them after I retire.

I'm a podficcer. Please please please, put a blanket permission statement on your fic. It really helps podficcers out, and we will make you things!!!!

I'm a musician. My degrees are in music. I have played in a professional orchestra and have a professionally recorded and edited CD.

I am the director of an office. I have 13 staff members. I take this very seriously and do my best to do right by them.

I am still growing and learning, particularly around racism, sexism, and ableism. I want to do right, and if I recognize a mistake, I will try to make amends. At the very least, I will apologize and try to do better. If I don't recognize a mistake, and you have the bandwidth to tell me, I'd appreciate it if you would. I understand if you don't have bandwidth and I recognize it's not anyone's responsibility but my own.

( And ending with a lolarious 'get-to-know-yourself' quiz I posted about ages ago that is, of course, right on the money about me. )

The art post for The Three Body Problem has been taken down. It had like 1700 notes and some of them were nice comments about my story. :( :(: :(

I should be writing but I am avoiding it. I've just gotten to the porn and, as often happens to me, I'm just not in the right headspace.

I've been backreading my dwircle and want to say: I LOVE YOU GUYS. You're so delightful and thoughtful and also fun and funny and perfect.

There's a lot of politics on my dwircle which is great, but also things I don't have the emotional energy to comment on, so if you're someone posting about that stuff, THANK YOU and I appreciate what you're saying and linking but I probably won't comment.

Life update: We've moved to Milwaukee. We're in a tiny (but cute) apartment with really great light and the ability to walk to literally everything we could need. The vet would be a bit of a hike, but we could get there on foot if we needed to. We're looking for houses nearby, because I expect to get promoted this year and get a huge bonus and raise that will pretty much wipe out our debt and allow us to put together a downpayment in record time.

Cat update: Jeeves went to the vet yesterday. We need to do a blood sugar curve on him this weekend, but we think that 3 units of insulin twice a day is the new normal. He stopped peeing on us on purpose, but he's still peeing on things, so... probably going to keep the cats out of the bedroom, which is both frustratingly hard and sad-making.

Writing update: I made my goal of 250,000 words in May, and it's a good thing because July came and work just knocked me off my feet (and is still doing so, and probably won't end until next year). I'll probably make 400,000 for the year even so, which is great, but I'm not able to write consistently in the mornings, which is frustrating. I also hit 1 million posted words a little while ago, and that was very satisfying. I've also managed to keep up a serial for the better part of the year (it's stuck on the porn) and that ends somewhere around Christmas, so I'm looking forward to diving into other projects next year.

I think that's all that's fit to print. I've not been doing much social media-wise (not even spending time on Twitter or tumblr - it's just been lack of time everywhere), so I'm not ignoring Dreamwidth, I'm ignoring everybody. I'm just now dipping a toe back in, so we'll see how that goes. Hi hi hi!

Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate every single one.

I'm still having a rough time, and the shooting in Orlando has hit me particularly hard, making me crawl into my shell and lock up tight. I have no cope left, so I can't respond to requests asking if I'm okay, I simply don't have it in me to talk about it (and still people seem to want to talk to me about it, even after I say "I can't talk about it" - like what they're going to say is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than the fact that I need to NOT TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW).

So as you can imagine, rough times. I'm at client #2 today, but I've got a full docket at client #1, too, so I expect it to be an extremely busy and stressful day, and honestly I am holding on by my fingernails right now.

I hope y'all are doing well, my love for you knows no bounds, and again, thank you. <3333

I had a very typical stress dream this morning. There were two things different about it, though:

1. My wife was with me
2. I succeeded

( Cut for length. My stress dream, ladies and gentlemen. )

And I woke immediately, thinking, TAKE THAT, STRESS DREAM! HA HA! I can't remember EVER being successful at that sort of dream, so this is giving me the biggest confidence boost right now. :D :D :D