Love meme meta
9/28/13 02:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kateI believe more love in the world is a wonderful thing. There should always be more love. I generally enjoy love memes, because I like to take the opportunity to let people know how awesome they are, and yes, I like getting a little love too. But I have conflicting feelings about that (more in a minute). Also, in general, I'm of the opinion that you should let people know how awesome they are and how much you love them all the time because, well, you never know, do you? I've always thought this, since I was little, so I was the one that made my dad kiss my mom goodbye every morning when he left for work, and I was the one that started hugging in our family (we didn't before then, unless it was something really bad or really good). I try to tell all my friends and loved ones, online and in RL how much I love and appreciate them as often as I possibly can. Because more love is always better.
In fact, none of these are happy squee times. I love love memes - I do! I think they do a lot of good in the world. But I don't think they are perfect, either, and I think they cause a lot of stress for people, too, and some unhappiness (though I have absolutely no idea how to change that). Okay, so I'm going to break this up into categories because there are different issues from different angles, if that makes sense.
Nominating someone else
The issue I run into here most is that when I want to nominate someone who makes a huge difference in my life, but who doesn't have a huge circle of friends, or whose friends don't overlap such that they would see the meme, their comment just sits there with my one lonely (though heartfelt) comment. Sometimes someone else will join in, but... I wonder if it doesn't feel worse to get nommed and then only to have the one (or a few spare) comment(s)? I think that would not make me feel particularly good, or at best, maybe have mixed feelings because of the love from the one comment and then the lack of any more. I run into this often when I'm thinking of nomming people because I don't want my love to hurt them in any way.
Also, I feel like, when you're nominating someone who's really popular, no matter how sincere, it seems like a popularity play. I've nommedmarina before, because she's amazing, and she always gets a bazillion comments (because she's amazing). And it always gives me the tiniest thrill to get all those replies in my inbox. Yeah, I mean every nice word I say about marina, and I didn't put the comment up because of her popularity. But I can't say that I didn't enjoy it just a little bit (and hey, there's not really anything wrong with that - but it's a factor on who I decide to nom these days).
Not to mention, those internet-popular folks are always going to get a bazillion comments, which is, well, because they're popular. And it's not that they don't deserve all that love – but again, it can make people with just a few comments (or no nom at all) feel sad or unloved, and I wish that wasn't the case, but I think we all know it is. I'm pretty confident about myself and the people who love me, and I always look at these things and wonder why I don't get forty comments the way my popular friends do.
Nominating yourself
Oh, man. I will never nominate myself. Never, ever, ever. My family has a million sayings about this, but basically, it boils down to: if you're good at something (or nice, or whatever good thing), then you don't need to toot your own horn. And this is actually hilarious, because anyone who knows me knows I am not particularly modest about my abilities or how great I think I am. But as great as I think I am, I don't actually say it out loud. At least, I try not to. Because confidence is awesome. Bragging, not so much. The problem is, there's a fine line there, and while I have these feelings about how I should behave (modestly, to a degree), I don't have them about other people – mainly because I feel like a lot of people don't think they're great. Which is so sad! YOU ARE ALL GREAT. I am not kidding, not even a little. I may not know why you in particular are great, but you are. (This is one of the reasons I LOVE love memes – I love to tell people WHY they're great, especially if I feel like they don't see it themselves.) So, anyway, no self-nomming. Not even a "I need some love, please give me some," because… I dunno. No self-nomming. I cannot make myself do it.
Being nominated
Because I cannot make myself self-nominate, I am always pins and needles about being nominated for a meme. If I don't get nommed, I'm bummed. It's… stupid. I mean, I should just nom myself! Then the "will I, won't I?" stress is out of the way. But that seems so immodest, I just… can't. This is a stupid frustrating byproduct of the way my brain works in response to love memes, and the way I deal with it is to basically drop as much love as I can on other people.
Commenting on someone you know well
This is easiest for me, because most likely, someone I know well already knows how awesome I think they are as I tell them all the time. So just dropping shorthand for "love you" in the comments says everything it needs to.jjhunter has a post about that here, about the difference between comments and kudos (which I first thought she meant on fanworks, so I answered incorrectly, but we worked it out in the end). And that's where I first noted that I might just drop a "<3" on someone I know very well and who knows very well why I love them. But for someone I don't know that well, or someone I think needs reminding of just why they are super-great-awesome, I'll write out something a little more.
Commenting on someone you don't know that well
These comments are problematic for me. Because there are people who make a difference in my life every day, whose posts I read but really have no comment for, and somehow now I've got to tell them what they mean to me, when it's mostly an intangible thing. I find these comments the toughest to write, and sometimes fail spectacularly at them. A lot of the time I will do this anonymously, because I either fear that they won't even know who I am or that they won't really understand the way in which they are important in my life. Also, I don't want to set up some expectation; I feel like if I sign my name to things, I am basically endorsing a certain level of closeness; there's a responsibility there, of sorts, and I don't want anyone assuming a level of intimacy that isn't there or feeling awkward because it seems like I feel closer to them than they are to me (or vice versa).
Commenting on someone you don't know
There are kind people who do this, and I support it because everyone deserves love, and sometimes it's the smile from a total stranger that makes all the difference, right? But I don't know that in a specific love meme, general platitudes are really going to make someone feel good, or spread any true joy. I mean, I do believe everyone deserves to be loved and everyone is great, but if I don't know why you in particular are great, does knowing that actually give you any satisfaction? I don't know if it would, for me. And while going to their journal and figuring out something nice to say is awesome and wonderful thing to do to leave a comment on a love meme, it feels weirdly dishonest to me. I have no idea why, because when someone else does it, I'm all "YAY THAT'S AWESOME YOU ARE SO COOL" but doing it myself would make me feel like a fake, even though I would probably mean what I said about them in their comment. I can't really put that together, that particular contradiction in how I feel about things.
Receiving comments
I am always grateful to receive any kind of comments, short or long, about anything. I love that people are moved to comment – that's time and effort and has definite meaning in my life, even if it's just "<3." I never know whether or not to respond. I don't, normally, because I feel kind of weird about it. I don't care if people I comment to respond, at all. If they don't, I don't think it makes any difference to me at all (and I feel the same about my comments on fanworks, actually), and isn't going to affect whether I drop a comment the next time or not. For me, I am torn, because it's hard enough even getting praise, but then having to graciously accept it is even tougher. I try, on comments on fanworks, because that's a thing I made, and I can be proud of it too! But on love memes, it's just me, and saying "thank you" to something like that feels, well, self-aggrandizing. Which is again something I can't do, because modesty. Or at least, not tooting your own horn.
That's about it, folks. I don't know that I have any answers here. Like I said – more love = good! Therefore love memes are good, and make a lot of people feel good! But there are people for whom they don't feel good, and I just wish there was some way to mitigate that. I know the words and deeds love memes helped, because it's not about who you are, but about stuff you did, which most of us seem to be able to accept compliments for. Anybody got any other bright ideas?
In fact, none of these are happy squee times. I love love memes - I do! I think they do a lot of good in the world. But I don't think they are perfect, either, and I think they cause a lot of stress for people, too, and some unhappiness (though I have absolutely no idea how to change that). Okay, so I'm going to break this up into categories because there are different issues from different angles, if that makes sense.
Nominating someone else
The issue I run into here most is that when I want to nominate someone who makes a huge difference in my life, but who doesn't have a huge circle of friends, or whose friends don't overlap such that they would see the meme, their comment just sits there with my one lonely (though heartfelt) comment. Sometimes someone else will join in, but... I wonder if it doesn't feel worse to get nommed and then only to have the one (or a few spare) comment(s)? I think that would not make me feel particularly good, or at best, maybe have mixed feelings because of the love from the one comment and then the lack of any more. I run into this often when I'm thinking of nomming people because I don't want my love to hurt them in any way.
Also, I feel like, when you're nominating someone who's really popular, no matter how sincere, it seems like a popularity play. I've nommed
marina before, because she's amazing, and she always gets a bazillion comments (because she's amazing). And it always gives me the tiniest thrill to get all those replies in my inbox. Yeah, I mean every nice word I say about marina, and I didn't put the comment up because of her popularity. But I can't say that I didn't enjoy it just a little bit (and hey, there's not really anything wrong with that - but it's a factor on who I decide to nom these days). Not to mention, those internet-popular folks are always going to get a bazillion comments, which is, well, because they're popular. And it's not that they don't deserve all that love – but again, it can make people with just a few comments (or no nom at all) feel sad or unloved, and I wish that wasn't the case, but I think we all know it is. I'm pretty confident about myself and the people who love me, and I always look at these things and wonder why I don't get forty comments the way my popular friends do.
Nominating yourself
Oh, man. I will never nominate myself. Never, ever, ever. My family has a million sayings about this, but basically, it boils down to: if you're good at something (or nice, or whatever good thing), then you don't need to toot your own horn. And this is actually hilarious, because anyone who knows me knows I am not particularly modest about my abilities or how great I think I am. But as great as I think I am, I don't actually say it out loud. At least, I try not to. Because confidence is awesome. Bragging, not so much. The problem is, there's a fine line there, and while I have these feelings about how I should behave (modestly, to a degree), I don't have them about other people – mainly because I feel like a lot of people don't think they're great. Which is so sad! YOU ARE ALL GREAT. I am not kidding, not even a little. I may not know why you in particular are great, but you are. (This is one of the reasons I LOVE love memes – I love to tell people WHY they're great, especially if I feel like they don't see it themselves.) So, anyway, no self-nomming. Not even a "I need some love, please give me some," because… I dunno. No self-nomming. I cannot make myself do it.
Being nominated
Because I cannot make myself self-nominate, I am always pins and needles about being nominated for a meme. If I don't get nommed, I'm bummed. It's… stupid. I mean, I should just nom myself! Then the "will I, won't I?" stress is out of the way. But that seems so immodest, I just… can't. This is a stupid frustrating byproduct of the way my brain works in response to love memes, and the way I deal with it is to basically drop as much love as I can on other people.
Commenting on someone you know well
This is easiest for me, because most likely, someone I know well already knows how awesome I think they are as I tell them all the time. So just dropping shorthand for "love you" in the comments says everything it needs to.
jjhunter has a post about that here, about the difference between comments and kudos (which I first thought she meant on fanworks, so I answered incorrectly, but we worked it out in the end). And that's where I first noted that I might just drop a "<3" on someone I know very well and who knows very well why I love them. But for someone I don't know that well, or someone I think needs reminding of just why they are super-great-awesome, I'll write out something a little more. Commenting on someone you don't know that well
These comments are problematic for me. Because there are people who make a difference in my life every day, whose posts I read but really have no comment for, and somehow now I've got to tell them what they mean to me, when it's mostly an intangible thing. I find these comments the toughest to write, and sometimes fail spectacularly at them. A lot of the time I will do this anonymously, because I either fear that they won't even know who I am or that they won't really understand the way in which they are important in my life. Also, I don't want to set up some expectation; I feel like if I sign my name to things, I am basically endorsing a certain level of closeness; there's a responsibility there, of sorts, and I don't want anyone assuming a level of intimacy that isn't there or feeling awkward because it seems like I feel closer to them than they are to me (or vice versa).
Commenting on someone you don't know
There are kind people who do this, and I support it because everyone deserves love, and sometimes it's the smile from a total stranger that makes all the difference, right? But I don't know that in a specific love meme, general platitudes are really going to make someone feel good, or spread any true joy. I mean, I do believe everyone deserves to be loved and everyone is great, but if I don't know why you in particular are great, does knowing that actually give you any satisfaction? I don't know if it would, for me. And while going to their journal and figuring out something nice to say is awesome and wonderful thing to do to leave a comment on a love meme, it feels weirdly dishonest to me. I have no idea why, because when someone else does it, I'm all "YAY THAT'S AWESOME YOU ARE SO COOL" but doing it myself would make me feel like a fake, even though I would probably mean what I said about them in their comment. I can't really put that together, that particular contradiction in how I feel about things.
Receiving comments
I am always grateful to receive any kind of comments, short or long, about anything. I love that people are moved to comment – that's time and effort and has definite meaning in my life, even if it's just "<3." I never know whether or not to respond. I don't, normally, because I feel kind of weird about it. I don't care if people I comment to respond, at all. If they don't, I don't think it makes any difference to me at all (and I feel the same about my comments on fanworks, actually), and isn't going to affect whether I drop a comment the next time or not. For me, I am torn, because it's hard enough even getting praise, but then having to graciously accept it is even tougher. I try, on comments on fanworks, because that's a thing I made, and I can be proud of it too! But on love memes, it's just me, and saying "thank you" to something like that feels, well, self-aggrandizing. Which is again something I can't do, because modesty. Or at least, not tooting your own horn.
That's about it, folks. I don't know that I have any answers here. Like I said – more love = good! Therefore love memes are good, and make a lot of people feel good! But there are people for whom they don't feel good, and I just wish there was some way to mitigate that. I know the words and deeds love memes helped, because it's not about who you are, but about stuff you did, which most of us seem to be able to accept compliments for. Anybody got any other bright ideas?
