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on 5/25/11 03:20 pm (UTC)Because I think the darkness I see in canon is utilitarianism and self-sacrifice turned up to 11. He does the thing that will save the most lives (of those he cares about) and he does it the most efficient way he can (even if it means the lives of other people, not on his to-save list). That, I think, is where my training and hard choices come from.
But the self-sacrifice part, that... I can see from an inherent sense of unworthiness perhaps? (Or just, before you make anyone else do the hard stuff, you do it yourself - I have this tendency myself and I relate to it in John.) And I can see that coming through in even the most mundane of AUs. Is that what you're getting? Or is it something else?