This is very personal, so, uh, if you don't want to read beyond here, I totally get it.
I'm adopted. And I've spent a lot of time reading about adoptees and the nature of their relationships and how they deal with the world and blah blah blah, but the thing is... I've always felt that the person I am is constructed. I've only told this to two people, and they never understood, so I never brought it up again. I've come to think of the construction as basically me; being the sum of your choices, as it were. But it is still a construction, and sometimes I worry that if I peeled it all back and found whatever was beneath it all (no idea what this is anymore, it's been completely buried), that no one would ever like me. That no one could ever like me, because even my own mother didn't. It's not rational, I know that, and I've developed my coping mechanisms (which work remarkably well), but then every once in a while, something just hits me to the core, like this.
I'd love to get the name of that book, if you remember. I would very much like to read it, because I have never shared that construct idea with anyone, and it has felt like I am very alone in that. It would help to have validation.
Re: Another thought
That's. Um. Really disturbing.
This is very personal, so, uh, if you don't want to read beyond here, I totally get it.
I'm adopted. And I've spent a lot of time reading about adoptees and the nature of their relationships and how they deal with the world and blah blah blah, but the thing is... I've always felt that the person I am is constructed. I've only told this to two people, and they never understood, so I never brought it up again. I've come to think of the construction as basically me; being the sum of your choices, as it were. But it is still a construction, and sometimes I worry that if I peeled it all back and found whatever was beneath it all (no idea what this is anymore, it's been completely buried), that no one would ever like me. That no one could ever like me, because even my own mother didn't. It's not rational, I know that, and I've developed my coping mechanisms (which work remarkably well), but then every once in a while, something just hits me to the core, like this.
I'd love to get the name of that book, if you remember. I would very much like to read it, because I have never shared that construct idea with anyone, and it has felt like I am very alone in that. It would help to have validation.