kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
I should be writing but I am avoiding it. I've just gotten to the porn and, as often happens to me, I'm just not in the right headspace.

I've been backreading my dwircle and want to say: I LOVE YOU GUYS. You're so delightful and thoughtful and also fun and funny and perfect.

There's a lot of politics on my dwircle which is great, but also things I don't have the emotional energy to comment on, so if you're someone posting about that stuff, THANK YOU and I appreciate what you're saying and linking but I probably won't comment.

Life update: We've moved to Milwaukee. We're in a tiny (but cute) apartment with really great light and the ability to walk to literally everything we could need. The vet would be a bit of a hike, but we could get there on foot if we needed to. We're looking for houses nearby, because I expect to get promoted this year and get a huge bonus and raise that will pretty much wipe out our debt and allow us to put together a downpayment in record time.

Cat update: Jeeves went to the vet yesterday. We need to do a blood sugar curve on him this weekend, but we think that 3 units of insulin twice a day is the new normal. He stopped peeing on us on purpose, but he's still peeing on things, so... probably going to keep the cats out of the bedroom, which is both frustratingly hard and sad-making.

Writing update: I made my goal of 250,000 words in May, and it's a good thing because July came and work just knocked me off my feet (and is still doing so, and probably won't end until next year). I'll probably make 400,000 for the year even so, which is great, but I'm not able to write consistently in the mornings, which is frustrating. I also hit 1 million posted words a little while ago, and that was very satisfying. I've also managed to keep up a serial for the better part of the year (it's stuck on the porn) and that ends somewhere around Christmas, so I'm looking forward to diving into other projects next year.

I think that's all that's fit to print. I've not been doing much social media-wise (not even spending time on Twitter or tumblr - it's just been lack of time everywhere), so I'm not ignoring Dreamwidth, I'm ignoring everybody. I'm just now dipping a toe back in, so we'll see how that goes. Hi hi hi!
kate: Aang from behind, looking at a starry night. (AtLA: Aang meditating)
When I used to do all these quizzes and things and man, I just DELIGHT in this kind of shit. I could totally post these every day.

So anyway, here's the link to a Self-Knowledge Questionnaire that tells you three traits that are important strands in your personality.

I usually only post stuff like this when it is either eerily accurate or hilariously inaccurate. I thought this was going to be the latter, but in fact, it was the former.

My three reigning traits are Rationality, Reverence, and Playfulness. :D )
kate: Aang from behind, looking at a starry night. (AtLA: Aang meditating)
Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate every single one.

I'm still having a rough time, and the shooting in Orlando has hit me particularly hard, making me crawl into my shell and lock up tight. I have no cope left, so I can't respond to requests asking if I'm okay, I simply don't have it in me to talk about it (and still people seem to want to talk to me about it, even after I say "I can't talk about it" - like what they're going to say is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than the fact that I need to NOT TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW).

So as you can imagine, rough times. I'm at client #2 today, but I've got a full docket at client #1, too, so I expect it to be an extremely busy and stressful day, and honestly I am holding on by my fingernails right now.

I hope y'all are doing well, my love for you knows no bounds, and again, thank you. <3333
kate: Aang :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD (AtLA: Aang grinning)
I had a very typical stress dream this morning. There were two things different about it, though:

1. My wife was with me
2. I succeeded

Cut for length. My stress dream, ladies and gentlemen. )

And I woke immediately, thinking, TAKE THAT, STRESS DREAM! HA HA! I can't remember EVER being successful at that sort of dream, so this is giving me the biggest confidence boost right now. :D :D :D
kate: Jared says 'BREAK ME'. Go on, I dare ya. (30stm: Jared 'break me')
1. Boston is snowing. I already came in early (Sunday night) and stayed late (today) and if I can't get home for at least a two day weekend I am going to murder things.
2. My cabbie completely missed my fucking street, and instead of driving around the block to deliver me (IN THE SNOW) to my destination, he pulled over and let me out half a block down the street.
3. There was disgusting slush all the way down the street.
4. My shoes, socks, and the bottom 6 inches of my pants were SOAKED.
5. I decided to change into a different pair of pants and socks because why not? I have my suitcase with me.
6. Somewhere between the office where I store my luggage and the office I work in, I LOST ONE OF THE SOCKS. It's maybe 100 feet of hallway between here and there, and I have searched it and both offices thoroughly.
7. Those were my favorite socks. :(

ETA: SOCK FOUND! It was on top of someone's cubicle! Which, embarrassing, but oh well. Apparently I was in such a huff, it went flying. /o\

A few things

1/17/16 09:23 pm
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
1. We are rewatching Fringe. Walter makes me laugh out loud SO MUCH. Also, I love the very slow and respectful way Peter and Olivia get together. Also also, Astrid is fucking GORGEOUS and so interesting. There's so much said about her in such little space on the show.

2. I am doing another serial Supernatural fic. I'm going to post on holidays. I've outlined the holidays I want to write for, and there are a couple of nice bunches of several in a row, coming up before Valentine's day that are important, but there's a 4 day gap between Ash Wednesday and Valentine's day, and the 3 days before that are in a row (Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday). Valentine's day is important, and then there is another one right away (President's day is February 15). I'm trying to outline what to do where and having a rough time. Anyone want to spitball with me in gdocs?

3. Our cats have the stinkiest butts known to man.

4. All the reports from Jaxcon are making me smile so big. And making me think about the RPF fic I don't write on very much.

5. I have to make most of a powerpoint training deck tomorrow. I'm nervous af about it. Good thoughts?

ETA: 6. Finally posted my 2015 fanwork roundup, if that's something you might be interested in.
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
Day 11: In your own space, make a list of at least 3 things that you like about yourself.

Oh, this is so good. You know, for such a group of lovely, talented people, I see so much doubt and feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome. YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL. Go forth and tell everyone why.

Things about me I like:
1. My enthusiasm. I feel like my enthusiasm is infectious and I love fandom because it can catch fire if you want it enough.
2. My intelligence. Feeling like I need to curb this (and have been my entire life) because I can be a bit overbearing about it (I enjoy being right). Learning that I still need to learn things has been helpful there.
3. My desire to help people. I spend a lot of time helping folks, and it's one of the things I like best about myself.

ETA: Originally posted this directly to the challenge comm, WHOOPS. /o\ See what I mean about #2, there?
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
Okay, I never do well with these write a thing every day sort of things, but I will try to at least answer them, though who knows what kind of schedule I'll be on.

The full 30 days under here. )

Day 1: How did you first get into writing fanfic, and what was the first fandom you wrote for? What do you think it was about that fandom that pulled you in? )
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
Okay, so today is my birthday. I don't have it on my dreamwidth profile - or anything to do with kisahawklin - for a number of reasons, but mostly because I am not super-enamoured of my birthday.

[Sorry, started yesterday; then I fucked off to play SimCity.]

So anyway, yesterday was my birthday. I have talked about this a little before, but basically I don't do much on my birthday (if anything) because I just don't. A lot of adoptees get in a funk around their birthdays. I can't honestly tell if I did as a kid, but the older I get, the more likely it is I get down around my birthday. And the more acknowledgements I get, the bigger the funk. This year, it feels like every loyalty program I use decided to send me birthday coupons and whatnot, and that started the 1st of the month. That was bad enough, but apparently I let it slip to someone in the office, and they planned a little party for me. Someone went around telling EVERYBODY in my office, too, so I got emails from the VP of research! Jesus, fine, I get along with the guy but we never have reason to speak! It was so uncomfortable.

So anyway, I was down about my birthday and I woke up that morning dreading the party I knew they were planning and just generally hating everything (when I get in a funk, writing sucks, and that's about the only thing that keeps me sane when I'm at work during the week). And then, there was a birthday email in my inbox from Misha Collins.

I'm sure it was just an email he wrote that gets sent out to all gishwhes mailing list people, but it was just... I cannot explain how much that made things better. It wasn't anything that spectacular, either, just a goofy Misha way of saying, "You're important, I wish good things for you." I fucking love him and everything he does and the way he looks at the world. So I was able to get up and face the day. When I got in to work, I decided that I needed to say "thank you" even if it wasn't Misha actually penning the email, the combination of his name and those words really made a difference to me at a really key time. So I wrote a thank you email back to him (or his staff), and that helped, too.

And now I have the day off (save an ortho appointment) and I plan to write like the wind (the email helped with that, too - worked through blocks in two stories on the trip home) and go see Jurassic Park tonight. :)

ETA: And now I am home from the ortho appt and just realized I didn't post this, so here goes. Off to dinner and Jurassic Park. :D

ETA2: Thank you, thank you for your wellwishes and life updates on the last post. I have about four dreamwidth posts I need to reply to comments on, but see above funk. I'm going to try to get to them tomorrow, hopefully around writing. <333

Rough times.

6/7/15 11:51 am
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
Work was truly hell for the last six weeks. I don't want to talk about it, at all.

I am slowly working toward an even keel, but I am having a rough patch here, and it's been in a lot of areas that I am sort of generally trying to parse and not doing a particularly good job at. I might try the 7 lines from 7 WIPs meme because I need to look at what I'm writing and be happy for a change.

I am so behind on emails/comments to friends who are also having a tough time. It's tougher to be supportive when you're in a low place yourself. I'll try, but I can't promise anything on that front.

And now I am going to see a movie. I thought I was going to see San Andreas because I love apocalypse/disaster movies + THE ROCK, but I just saw good things about Spy with Melissa McCarthy, and I think I might go see that instead, and save the disaster for next week.

Also, it's my birthday coming up, and that always fucks with my emotions, so that's probably part of it, too. This is one of those times where I just remind myself to be kind to myself, and float along, doing what I can do, until things start to move for the better.

How are things, dwircle? Tell me good things about you and yours. <3
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
I think it's safe. *weary smile*

There was a thing. It's not a thing I'm going to talk about because I just... ugh. I don't want to. But suffice it to say, people found me, and there was wankiness (not RL people, have no fear), and I needed to get away for a little while. Now I have the dreary task of un-friendslocking appropriate posts, which just sucks. I'll get to it eventually, but it's not something I'm interested in doing right now.

So on top of the thing, there's been a work thing. I was working at client #1, and client #2 (an old client of mine that was convinced they would implode if they could not have me back (I'm not kidding)) convinced my bosses that they needed me.

So, I was informed on a Friday that on Monday, the dude at client #2 and I would spend 2 days at client #2, where he handed over all his work to me (dumping 26 grants on me the week before a deadline was a massive fucking clusterfuck) and then we would spend 2 days at client #1, where I trained him on all my work (which, uh, took roughly an hour, and I spent the rest of my days pulling my hair out while I tried to do everything I needed to do for those 26 grants at client #1 (and which dude had fucked up massively, so I had to re-do all of his work)). It was a shitty week. And because it's deadline season, it just kept coming for the next six weeks. The last major deadline is Monday, and then I should be able to concentrate on my big projects and be ready to roll off at the end of March.

Also, tumblr. I have all kinds of things to say about it, but when people are like: it's totally mindless and easy, you just scroll down all the pretty pictures... yeah. That's pretty much it. It's really easy on my very tired brainmeats. I've spent some time cultivating my dash, so it's mostly stuff and/or people I like, so that's good. I'm on the very edges of SPN wank, so I hear about it but I don't get involved in it. Blocking posts is a beautiful thing, as is blacklisting. I'm kisahawklin over there if any of you would like to find me - but if you follow me and aren't into SPN, be sure to blacklist the supernatural tag. I will ALWAYS tag because OMG untagged posts make me want to claw my eyes out. (I am SO SPOILED for the back half of this season I could scream.)

ION, I am writing okay. Plenty of words ahead of my goal for the year, though I need to stop writing tags for my last bang and get working on my next one.

How's things, dwircle?
kate: Cas looking mighty fine (SPN: Cas hoooooooooooooot)
So I got about 90% of his panel on video. I'll upload it, but with the shitty wifi here in the hotel, it'll likely take me all night, or maybe until later in the week. If worse comes to worst, I'll upload it when I get home on Thursday.

My two Misha stories )

(WTF am I supposed to do with this now? I have a tampon Misha threw at me. I can't just throw it away. But it's a tampon. WTF. I AM SO LOST.)
kate: Kate Winslet is wryly amused (Default)
Random adulting for the day: looking at my 401k portfolio (completely random chance, deleting old email and found my benefits dashboard link, a few clicks and voila), I thought maybe I should look at the diversification, blah blah, went through the tools they had, considered retirement age for me and my wife, blah blah, and when it came up with my recommendation? IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I'D ALREADY SIGNED UP FOR.

I feel a little ridiculously proud of this fact.

Also: Cut for brief mention of death and perceptions of aging relating to work and self-worth. )
kate: Hephaistion looking worriedly at Alexander (Alexander: Hephaistion hooooot with one)
In your own space, talk about your fannish origin story. How did you come to fandom, why did you choose your fannish name, do you have more than one secret identity? Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I'm still trying to figure out how, exactly, I found my way to fandom. I started fanwriting when I was five. (I wrote a story that was basically: Fonzie does an Evil Kneivel type trick on his motorcycle, and SLAMS INTO A BRICK WALL AND DIES! I was five. Writing tragedy and deathfic. What the hell.) Also - I shared this story with my mother, who looked at me funny but didn't make me do anything like see a child psychologist or anything, so I kept writing stories. Mostly in my head after that, and mostly self-inserts into Star Wars and the like.

Teenagerhood was bizarre. I would've been hugely multifannish, if there'd been an internet back then (I think) and then I might have figured out that I was actually in love with KITT, not David Hasslehoff.

Weirdly, once I went to college, I seem to have turned off my fannish interest. I think I just didn't have time. Music school is fucking all-consuming, yo.

I got back into it around 1999 - with, of all things, The Mummy. I found a Brendan Fraser fangroup and wrote some fiction. (RPS! Though I didn't actually want to have sex with Brendan, so I wrote us doing Tai Chi together. I wish this still existed in the world.)

From there, I moved into Buffy, where I joined a mailing list and started reading fanfiction - including slash! I was a Buffy/Spike shipper, but I found some Spike/Xander fic which made me do a Castiel-style headtilt, and then Spike/Angel (or Angelus) fanfic that made me go: OMG YES THIS ALL OF THIS FOREVER WHAT IS THIS EVEN?!!?!?!? D:

And then The Mummy 2 came out, and I started writing a script for The Mummy 3. (Mine would've been SO MUCH BETTER than the one they actually made.) I wrote other stuff, too, mostly self-insert (and my self-insert was always the best friend or maternal figure or helper person because I really did want to be besties with these people, not have sex with them).

Then Lord of the Rings happened, and I found a group of super-awesome folks to get involved with (and got initiated into LJ), started writing even more self-insert stories (still thinking they were basically original fiction at this point, ahahaha oh, no), and then. And then! [livejournal.com profile] gayalithiel came onto the scene and we started writing a sprawling vampire universe populated with our favorite actors. Vampire Greg. (Long story for another time.) And seriously, we wrote SO MUCH. I was so heavily into that universe. I still look back and think I could turn it into something really cool - we had some really neat ideas and did just buttloads of research and background work. Maybe someday.

And then - I finally broke the fanfiction barrier. 10 years ago, this past Christmas eve. I posted my very first fanfic, and Alexander (2004) FPS/RPS thing for the girl who would become my ex-girlfriend. I wrote a fair number of shorts in that fandom, most dedicated to her, and then everything there fell apart and my writing mojo completely dried up.

Thankfully, I got out of the bad situation, and writing came back, slowly but surely. And when my future wife introduced me to SGA, I never looked back. I have 290 works on the AO3, and 134 of them are SGA. We moved to DW pretty much the second it opened its doors, and it's become my fannish home. I'm still trying to wrangle other platforms, and I think I've pretty much come up with this (subject to change):

[personal profile] kate: my fannish and personal home; where my friends are; where I post about squeeful things and RL things and just about everything
[archiveofourown.org profile] kisahawklin: where all the fic is kept
[livejournal.com profile] kisahawklin: I keep this only for the few friends and fests only on LJ. Someday it may become obsolete, but not yet.
[twitter.com profile] kisahawklin: pretty much exclusively for SPN tweeting and watching the cast live-tweet shows
[tumblr.com profile] kisahawklin: I get the appeal, now. Mostly for SPN and definitely for all things visual. Still learning my way around there.

And... that's that, I guess? There should probably be a note up there about falling into the incredible Losers fandom, and moving into Supernatural, but I think I've covered those enough before. YAY FANDOM! :D :D :D :D

ETA: I always seem to start blathering and then miss parts of the question! Kisa Hawklin is the name of my first D&D character and has been my online moniker since I got online, back in 1993. I do have two pseudonyms, and I challenge anyone to figure out who they are. One is almost 11 years old and the other is at least 5. Both have works posted at the AO3. (Some of my favorites, actually. I may eventually pull the 11 year old pseud into kisahawklin, but we'll see.) I doubt anyone would ever guess them, though (and have at - good luck with that!).

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